Goodbye Old Friend

“Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on.” -Stairway To Heaven

I never thought I would be writing this post.

Matt, 23 years old, got married in June 2005 and got his degree with honors in aircraft mechanics January 2008. His daughter was born in March 2008 and they had relocated (for his new career) in May 2008.

August 31, 2008, Matt was shot in front of his home. He was the youngest of 3 kids.

Matt was the kind of guy who you always wanted around. He was the first guy I partied with, the one who introduced me to great bands like Nirvana, Led Zepplin, and other great musicians. He always made sure I was alright. He had a passion for life that couldn’t compare. He was romantic, funny, and an all around good guy. He had a way with people and always had time for them, never making anyone feel left out. He was the kind of guy no one could forget.

He had just gotten his life on tract for it to be taken away by someone who probably didn’t have a light like him in their life.

He lived his life to the fullest, perhaps knowing his time with us would be short.

I’ll always remember how he was there for me when I had relationship troubles, whether with boys, family, or friends. He always had a way of making (in his words) “It’s all good.”

And though I hadn’t seen him in years, I’ll always remember his infectious smile.

But most of all, I’ll always remember the pain in his father’s cry as they bid their final goodbye.
I love you and I miss you Matt. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to see you. But I look forward to the days that we can chill again.

Surgery Day

Everyone give him a kiss, the nurse said as she swiped her card and opened the double doors.

Louie leaned down and kissed LJ, who was fussing in my arms. Grandma and Grandpa (Louie‘s parents) followed his lead and bid their goodbyes.

And then, before I could kiss him, the nurse swooped him from my arms, taking his blue elephant with her and quickly walked away. I could feel the tears burning my eyes.

We had gone through check in and all the possible things that could happen, though we didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to have any bad energy. Our normally inpersonable doctor, was quite cheerful (probably because she was within her element). It was actually comforting.

We quietly made our ways downstairs, to the surgery waiting area. After settling in, we were able to distract our protective instincts by discussing the Olympics (and how wonderful Phelps is).

I texted my BFF, my mom, and my aunt to let everyone know. Aunt K called me to tell me we were in a prayer chain and to ask if she could talk to my dad. I told her I didn’t mind.

At 11:15, the doctor came to talk with us. The surgery had gone well and he was in recovery. She warned us his eyes would be red and he would have bloody tears. In an hour and a half, we could come up and see him.

Grandpa and Louie went to eat and of course, they called us up early. I didn’t wait for them, as I practically knocked doctors down on the way to the elevator. We stood in front of the elephants and waited for LJ to come out.

A nurse wheeled a bed through the doors and asked to see my band. LJ was lying there, covered by a thin, white sheet. His eyes were closed, swollen, and red. I shuddered, seeing the blood on his nose.

We went through another set of double doors, where there were curtains closing off sections for privacy. Inside the “room” was a familiar recliner and a single chair, with room for little else.

I sat in the chair and LJ was placed in my arms, IV line and all (too familiar). LJ fussed quietly as Grandma and I attempted to soothe him. When the nurse took his line out, he was able to be calmed.

He’s resting at home now. I’ve gotten use to the blood in his eyes and he seems to be handling it pretty well. I can already see that his eyes aren’t wandering, though he’s probably seeing double due to the surgery. I’m thankful, relieved, and excited. And maybe a little exhausted.

I want to thank everyone for there well wishes. It means a lot to me to have your support and we’ll take every bit we can get. That’s why I made sure to let you guys know, as soon as we got back.

Have a good weekend, all.

In the Mood…

I know, I know, I said I would be working on my vacation posts, but I have a good exscuse! I’m waiting for the pics from the first and second day to come in. For some reason I decided to take the rest of the vacation on my digital camera but the first two days, I used the “old fashion” kind.

This week alone, I’ve had 4 appointments; Beth, Kim, Amy, and the pre-op appointment for LJ’s surgery. Crazy, as usual.

It was great seeing Kim. She is so sweet and understanding. Sometimes, she’s MY therapist too. She really gets that parent’s of special needs kids often need support themselves.

And there it is. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my son has special needs. I have, in no way, accepted it, but I’m starting to be okay with it. I still don’t think it’s fair, I still cry about it sometimes, but if anything, it’s made me more determined. This acceptance has led to many things, including an idea of developing a web site for special need’s parents. Basically, it would be a blog but somewhere parents can come and know they aren’t alone. I think it’s something I’d work on once I started taking classes for my web design certification. More on that, later.

Amy is nice. She adjusted her schedule so we see her Thursday afternoons, which is perfect. We’ve talked about adding on a physical therapist to his routine, but have decided to wait until after surgery. One step at a time.

LJ’s pre-op appointment went well. We ended up getting a general anesthsia appointment. I haven’t really talked about that much here, but it will come in his birth story which I’m working on as well. I got stuck because I couldn’t remember certain details that I wasn’t there for, so I’m going to ask Louie for help. I thought about asking him to guest post, but some things are easier for me to discuss then him.

My friend’s dad, that was in a coma, passed away. Most of his brain was damaged during the two strokes he had. I’ll always remember the things he did for me. He did a lot of things I wouldn’t necessarily approve of, but he did a lot more things with us then some dads do.

My BFF’s dad had a heart attack earlier this week. It was a mild heart attack, but most of his arteries are clogged. He is having quadruple bi-pass surgery today. They also found out he has Emphysema, but if he quits now, they expect him to be fine. He plans to, along with changing his lifestyle.

I’ve been praying for both their families.

But to end on a lighter note, I just noticed that for the entire day, including LJ’s pre-op appointment, my pants have been on backwards.

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