Goodbye Old Friend

“Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on.” -Stairway To Heaven

I never thought I would be writing this post.

Matt, 23 years old, got married in June 2005 and got his degree with honors in aircraft mechanics January 2008. His daughter was born in March 2008 and they had relocated (for his new career) in May 2008.

August 31, 2008, Matt was shot in front of his home. He was the youngest of 3 kids.

Matt was the kind of guy who you always wanted around. He was the first guy I partied with, the one who introduced me to great bands like Nirvana, Led Zepplin, and other great musicians. He always made sure I was alright. He had a passion for life that couldn’t compare. He was romantic, funny, and an all around good guy. He had a way with people and always had time for them, never making anyone feel left out. He was the kind of guy no one could forget.

He had just gotten his life on tract for it to be taken away by someone who probably didn’t have a light like him in their life.

He lived his life to the fullest, perhaps knowing his time with us would be short.

I’ll always remember how he was there for me when I had relationship troubles, whether with boys, family, or friends. He always had a way of making (in his words) “It’s all good.”

And though I hadn’t seen him in years, I’ll always remember his infectious smile.

But most of all, I’ll always remember the pain in his father’s cry as they bid their final goodbye.
I love you and I miss you Matt. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to see you. But I look forward to the days that we can chill again.

In the Mood…

I know, I know, I said I would be working on my vacation posts, but I have a good exscuse! I’m waiting for the pics from the first and second day to come in. For some reason I decided to take the rest of the vacation on my digital camera but the first two days, I used the “old fashion” kind.

This week alone, I’ve had 4 appointments; Beth, Kim, Amy, and the pre-op appointment for LJ’s surgery. Crazy, as usual.

It was great seeing Kim. She is so sweet and understanding. Sometimes, she’s MY therapist too. She really gets that parent’s of special needs kids often need support themselves.

And there it is. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my son has special needs. I have, in no way, accepted it, but I’m starting to be okay with it. I still don’t think it’s fair, I still cry about it sometimes, but if anything, it’s made me more determined. This acceptance has led to many things, including an idea of developing a web site for special need’s parents. Basically, it would be a blog but somewhere parents can come and know they aren’t alone. I think it’s something I’d work on once I started taking classes for my web design certification. More on that, later.

Amy is nice. She adjusted her schedule so we see her Thursday afternoons, which is perfect. We’ve talked about adding on a physical therapist to his routine, but have decided to wait until after surgery. One step at a time.

LJ’s pre-op appointment went well. We ended up getting a general anesthsia appointment. I haven’t really talked about that much here, but it will come in his birth story which I’m working on as well. I got stuck because I couldn’t remember certain details that I wasn’t there for, so I’m going to ask Louie for help. I thought about asking him to guest post, but some things are easier for me to discuss then him.

My friend’s dad, that was in a coma, passed away. Most of his brain was damaged during the two strokes he had. I’ll always remember the things he did for me. He did a lot of things I wouldn’t necessarily approve of, but he did a lot more things with us then some dads do.

My BFF’s dad had a heart attack earlier this week. It was a mild heart attack, but most of his arteries are clogged. He is having quadruple bi-pass surgery today. They also found out he has Emphysema, but if he quits now, they expect him to be fine. He plans to, along with changing his lifestyle.

I’ve been praying for both their families.

But to end on a lighter note, I just noticed that for the entire day, including LJ’s pre-op appointment, my pants have been on backwards.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I really have been meaning to finish the birth story. But I have been swamped. Here are the latest updates:

  • Debbie’s last day was on Tuesday. Sadness. New therapist Amy is throwing our whole schedule off since she is only working Wednesday mornings. Kim (vision therapist) already comes on Wednesday and, frankly, I like the schedule. It works for all of us.
  • LJ’s birthday is on Friday! Elmo decorations and Elmo cake pan bought. Wish me luck on baking my own cake and icing and decorating it. Pictures to come.
  • LJ’s CT scan is tomorrow. Spoke with pre-registration nurse about how LJ had seizures after the first time they gave him sedation for CT scan. We are now going to sleep deprive him, in hopes he’ll sleep through it (he has to be completely still). I have to keep him up until 12 tonight, wake him up at 4 AND not feed him. We’ll both be crying by the time we get there at 8.
  • Ant infestation within the last 24 hours and they bit LJ a couple times. Louie was pissed (because I clean all the time since we have people in our house) and marched to the office. They came a.s.a.p. and fixed the garbage disposal that’s been broken for months now. Was just too lazy to call.
  • MY therapist appointment is tonight. I am very anxious.
  • LJ has been constipated which = horrible mood, difficulty eating AND pooping, difficult to put down for naps.
  • Just found out that they are going to pull the feeding tube and lifeline for my friend’s dad.

The good news is in about a week, we’ll be on our way to Florida. And for one week, I won’t have to worry about appointments and the little details. I might even be able to relax…?

Easter Sunday

We went to church yesterday for the first time in months. No, we’re not the Christmas/Easter church-goers, it’s just lately, we take what sleep that we can and it just so happens that LJ likes to sleep in on Sundays. And at our church, there’s only one mass (ahh, so much different then the Catholic churches I use to sleep…er, go to).

LJ was pretty content with staring at the stained glass for the first 30 minutes or so, while listening to the choir music. He got hungry so I had to go to the cry room. It’s funny, though, because while I was rocking him, I got a little sad, thinking about last Easter when I lost my grandfather. At that point, the pastor started talking about how holidays can be hard on some that miss others. Every since I started attending this church, every single mass has been relevant to my life.

Normally, afterwards, I follow Louie around (after handing the baby off) while he mingles, but this time LJ helped us out of there by telling all of us that he really needed a nap. We went back to Louie’s parents and chatted while we waited for the ham. Louie’s mom got LJ this:

Oh, how the holidays affect us!

On Saturday, we let LJ try ham & apples…

Louie’s mom also got us a cute picture book, filled with pictures from my baby shower, LJ’s first bath, and time with his uncles. She’s a sweetheart.

Hope you all had a safe and happy Easter.

Funeral Part II

After the funeral service, we went to my Aunt’s house to eat and talk. Not everyone went, thank goodness. We discovered the LJ loves to listen to the piano. We chatted and caught up on a few things with some family members while LJ rolled around on the floor. We crashed early.

The next morning we got up since they were going to have a memorial mass at church. It was lovely except that priest, or whatever it is that Catholics have, kept saying what a great Catholic my grandfather was. Don’t get me wrong, he was a huge part of my grandma’s life but it was how he presented it. My grandmother was technically Catholic but she didn’t go to church much, especially as she got older. He was almost comparing them.

LJ got fussy since his schedule was thrown off, so I left the pews and went to an area I could still hear but not have him bother everyone (not that they cared). It was sooo funny because everytime I would walk back to the pews, LJ would start bawling. I was able to get back for the part where family and friends shared words with everyone. Very tearful moments…

We went back to my Aunt’s for a celebration (my grandmother wanted us to celebrate her life, not her death) and even though we all took like an hour nap, LJ was not going to have millions of people kissing him. So we stayed upstairs and watched home shows, having family members pop in every once in a while when they wanted some quiet time. It was actually nice to have some one-on-one with other family members. I didn’t get as much time as I would have liked with my Aunt. I’ve spent a good deal of time with her.

Anyway, the flight home was a lot less of a hassel. And they didn’t make me take off my Snugli or anything. Plus, they were a lot nicer. Funny, because I didn’t expect as much in Memphis. Ah, well.

Grandma, I love you and I’m glad you’re at peace. There’s so many things I’ll always remember; our pillow talks, your cooking, playing nintendo with you, shopping. You were the greatest and I hope I can become half the woman you are.

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