Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Yesterday we took LJ to the doctor.

Tuesday, after waking up from a nap, LJ’s eye was a little swollen. It was red, too, so I assumed he had just been sleeping on his fist. Louie’s mom was there, visiting with me since I cancelled LJ’s therapist appointment. He had waken up twice throughout the night.

It might be pink eye. She commented.

It didn’t look gooey to me, and I figured it would get better, as long as he stopped rubbing it. After wiping the goo out of his eye, it looked a lot better.

But the next day, it was still swollen and I started to worry. Louie and I debated on what we should do and decided with or without insurance, we were going back to our old doctor. They weren’t open yet, but we’d be there when they were.

When we got there, they were still closed but they told us to come back right at open. After 30 minutes, we returned and were taken right back. Once they weighed him and told me what it was, I asked them to recheck it.

It was the same as it was 4 fucking months ago.

Exscuse my language, but this makes me rather upset. The nurse practitioner then measured his head and reported that it was actually a half-inch smaller then it was last time. Another nurse re-measured and said maybe they didn’t measure it right last time.

They sent us over to The Children’s Hosp for bloodwork but talked to us about feeding before we left. I have, in fact, been feeding him 2-3 times a day about a half a jar (or a third if it’s the bigger ones) of fruits, veggies, and meats. I also still nurse and usually it’s before he eats. Everything I have read and everyone I’ve talked to (including the doctor) have said we can pretty much set our pace and use food as an add on as long as I was still nursing. True, most babies are on finger foods right now, but my son is not most babies. We take things slower with him because in some areas, his development is a little slow.

Apparently we underestimated him.

Not only that, I feel like my body has betrayed me. I relied on my body to take care of my son and help him grow and for some reason, it wasn’t enough. I must have misread his ques. That leaves me feeling guilty beyond belief. It breaks my heart to think he’s been hungry. It makes me wonder how much I really know my son.

His bloodwork came back and everything is normal. We got an antibiotic for his eye but it looks fine today.

They gave us formula to give him after breastfeeding and eating solid foods. I decided not to reteach him how to use a bottle and just skip to a sippy cup. It’s messy, but he’s able to do it. I can already tell he’s gaining weight. In two weeks, we go back for a recheck.

I hope they don’t call SRS on us or anything.


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